Prime Minister of Great Britain

Do you want to be the country’s next Prime Minister? If selected, you will head up the UK Cabinet, be tasked with making policies, governing taxes, statutes, domestic and international activities and will have to endure being considered as one of the most unpopular characters in the UK.

If this sounds like you, read on!

The successful candidate will be required to “build relationships” with key figures within the international community and find photo and press opportunities to further bolster your public image. The successful candidate will be entrusted with:

• Rubbing shoulders with big-wigs and heavy-weights in international business and world politics or whoever else needs keeping sweet
• Listening to conflicting advice on a range of matters. However, the successful candidate will have 15 special advisors to assist the decision making process.
• Developing strong working relationships with the music industry, who will dictate digital copyright policy in Britain on behalf of your chosen Government.
• Adopting a youth friendly image together with a knowledge of X-Factor contestants, current sporting fixtures and quotes from the Movie “SuperBad”– it would be helpful if the candidate had a special gift to warrant appearance on Britain’s got Talent

Skills and Qualities

Essential
• Good contacts in the world of business, trade unions and environmental pressure groups
• Easy to impersonate
• Thick skinned enough to ignore personal attacks
• Attend weekly televised meetings at which all policy decisions will be publicly reviewed/ridiculed.
• The ability to build, re-build and re-build again the team of support staff and Ministers

Desirable
• Interest in politics
• Solid networking skills (an ability to charm the general public is an added bonus for this position. Failing which, the capability to alienate whole groups of the population would suffice).

Not essential for this position
• Financial management expertise

Benefits and perks

Accommodation in London is provided by way of large furnished terraced house in need of complete redecoration with armed security who ensure that there is no privacy. Entertaining facilities are available in your tax-free second home in Buckinghamshire where you can wine and dine foreign dignitaries or any or your friends who you deem worthy.

A complete make-over will ensure you look “ten years younger” for the role and will include grooming, facial expression training, a clothing stylist and how to stand for long periods of time without falling asleep. Should additional ‘treatments’ be required to improve your appearance, these will be considered on a case by case basis. Expenses can be claimed on a not-for-profit basis, but receipts may have to be produced.

You will be provided with a company Nokia phone and will enjoy entitlements for a chauffeur, private jet use, a clothing allowance, and anything else you might fancy.

This role provides a great entry point and networking opportunity into the world of business, finance and consultancy, allowing the successful candidate the prospect of furthering their considerable earning power at the termination of their position. Previous incumbents have attained Millionaire Status in a very short period of time.